i would punch a child for taco bell
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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