You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
