It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He? As in you personified your dick?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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