I accidentally had phone sex last night
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
you never un-have a 4some
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
