I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
