Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
