I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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