Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
