I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
