Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
