i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize