$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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