that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
