Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
