Sorry, I don't speak sober.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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