If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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