Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
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