Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
