i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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