Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
