I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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