Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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