dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
