Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I need to stop coming to work sober
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
