Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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