Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
