You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize