Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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