What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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