i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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