just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
birth control should be required to get into college
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
