drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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