just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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