If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
