I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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