Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize