Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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