Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
