I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
