Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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