There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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