By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
