I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
