i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
