I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
