i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
