Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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