i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize