hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
