we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
he thought i was a dude.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
