I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
A+ Viking dick
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
