Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
