Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
