WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
