theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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