I'm laying in your front yard are you home
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
