i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
