I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
