Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
