you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
