Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
