After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
