Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
