i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
