It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Randomize
