peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
im holly from the hills drunk
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
