im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Ladies don't puke and tell
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
