Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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