I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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