it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
What a dumb baby whore.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
