he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
