...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
