matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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