She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
