I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
we're making bets on your personal life
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
