FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Still dying that you shit outside
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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